


Kitty Problems

by BlueEyedArcher



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cats, Fluff and Humor, John did not sign up for this shit, Little Brother Problems, Trouble in the Ranch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 18:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18998470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueEyedArcher/pseuds/BlueEyedArcher
Summary: John walks in on a stray cat raiding his fridge. He is not pleased in the slightest and drags his brother into the middle of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudos and comment below of what you think.

His ears twitched as he leaned to one side, gathering as many canned goods into the duffel as it could hold. His voice soft as he murmured out each of the labels thoughtfully. “Peaches….chili beans...chicken noodle soup-” His head popping up as he was greeted with the puzzling container set before him, his brows furrowed in immense confusion. “What the fuck is spam?” He turned the weird square can around with a disgusted look, scrunching his nose up before tossing it back onto the pantry shelf. He turned back to the duffel, stuffing the bottles of grape juice and apple juice into the pocket, moving the filched silk socks and boxers he swiped from the upstairs closet when he took the duffel. He bare feet padding around easily on the wooden boards of the kitchen floor as he perused the fridge, stealing the last the bottle of chocolate milk he found and guzzling it until it was half full.

 

Jaxion wasn’t a common household thief. His tail slithering back and forth beneath the over sized hoodie. His hungry stomach rumbling as he batted through the containers of peanut butter and sleeves of crackers. Two boxes of saltines pawed into the bag, skirting around the stale cereal and taking the box of poptarts stealthily tucked into the back of the cupboard. His eyes reflecting in the dim light cutting through the blinds as a car pulled up outside but the young man was far too intend on filling his belly and his bag to flee yet. He swayed on the balls of his feet thoughtfully, looking to see if anything else was fair game since this Mr. John Seed guy liked keeping all the food in the valley in his kitchen. It wasn’t exactly much considering the sparse assortment he had to choose from. Jaxion’s bright blue eyes scanned the room, searching for any other doors he hadn’t spied yet wondering if there was a door to the basement. If maybe that’s where Fall’s Ends food storage was being kept all this time.

 

As he turned, he was met with the flicker of the kitchen light coming on. The bearded man himself stood in the entryway with a look of equal parts stunned and tired. John blinked, taking in the sight of the young man in a hoodie so big it swallowed his entire upper half from his thighs up whole. The young man was rather large, strongly built from what John could guess with what hung around his shoulders. A pair of ratty sweat pants covered his legs but dirty bare feet stuck out. John rubbed at his eyes, half expecting it to be his imagination or that maybe Angelo had brought home another stray but he was reminded Angelo was out of the Valley for two more days and - _is that my socks sticking out of that pocket?_ John stiffened, realizing a burglar had slipped past his useless guards.

 

The young man turned quickly, reaching for the strap of his open duffel bag when the baptist lunged forward to grapple at the youth’s shoulders, snagging the hoodie and jerking him back by the hood and collar portion. Jaxion squirmed to slip out from the material and free himself of the man’s hold when John lunged forward, reaching for what he thought was a strap hanging off of the young man’s waist, gripping something soft, warm and furry. He pulled hard, watching the man crumble to his knees with a sharp scream leaving his chest. His body curling in on itself as he collapsed to the ground. Looking down at where his fist was, he followed the so called strap, lifting the hoodie to get a better look at where it connected with the young man’s spine. _A tail?_

 

John couldn’t fathom what it was he was seeing right now. This guy had a tail. A fully functioning, real and furry cat like tail. Then it occurred to him. “Oh fuck- I’m sorry.” He let go of the tail quickly, reaching down and gently touched around the base of the tail where it was steadily turning red from the agitation and the force in which John yanked so crudely. “Fuck I uh, wow this thing is really part of you.”

 

“Fuck off!” Jaxion hissed, swatting at John’s shoulder but his pawing was weak as he rocked gently on his knees, gasping in deep breaths and forcing the white hot pain that seared up his back to fade. As he turned his head to meet John’s face, he found the baptist a little too close for comfort as he pushed the hood back out of the way to expose the two feline ears that sprung up. They folded back to show his discontentment but were pushed back up to perk when John’s fingers brushed over them thoughtfully and trailed to where they met Jaxion’s head - _Yup, those are real._

 

“Would you like a ice pack or a heating pad?” John asked as he stepped away from Jaxion to give him some space. Hands held out in front of him, fingers fiddling together anxiously as he realized he didn’t really know what to do. This wasn’t a hallucination, it couldn’t possibly. He was ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his palm over his beard, tattooed knuckles shown off in the bright kitchen lights as his eyes scoured the room for some answer to manifest itself. _Where was Angelo when I need him?_

 

John flitted back and forth before giving in and reaching down to gather the feline up in his arms, half expecting him to weigh too much but was disturbingly surprised at how light he actually was. With a groan from John and a curse from Jaxion, he started the task of carrying the young man up the steps to the second floor where the spare bedrooms were. Carrying him to the one between Angelo’s bedroom and his own, he checked the door and window within after depositing Jaxion on the bed. Reaching down he pulled on the hoodie to pry it up over his body with the intention to wash the damned dirty thing so it didn’t badly stain his sheets. He was met with the bare torso of the young man, criss crossed with white lines as if from multiple surgeries. Jaxion laid face down into the pillows, burying his face into the soft clean bedding with a pained whimper, his arms tucking beneath him as he writhed. “Right. Heating pad.” Racing off to the room next door, slipping into Angelo’s bedroom, he found the pad where his second in command had left it on the nightstand and rushed back over, relieved to see the feline remained where he was.

 

It took a bit of finagling to get it plugged in, the damn socket being under the bed a bit as he turned it on and laid the pad over Jaxion’s lower back. His fingers gently touching over the soft fur of the tail, feeling genuinely guilty for tugging on it. John may have been a sadist but he gained no satisfaction in harming animals. Ensuring his new _guest_ wasn’t going anywhere, he shut the door and locked it, reaching into his pocket to call Jacob. He ignored the fact it was now 2am and listened to the phone ring and ring.

 

Finally when he picked up and answered, John perked up, taking the steps down the stairs two at a time as he inspected the duffel of food and clothing gathered on the kitchen counter. He picked up the half drank bottle of milk and sighed, putting it back into the fridge so it doesn’t spoil and started putting the food back into place. Jacob’s tired voice grumbling on the other side as he cleared his throat with a low rumble. “John? What is it?”

 

“You will not believe what I found stealing food out of my kitchen!” John blurted.

 

“If it's that raccoon again, just open the door and let it leave on its own.”

 

“What? No! It wasn’t a raccoon!”

 

“Then what’s the problem?”

 

“It was a cat- _boy...person thing.”_ John shook his head, looking at the canned goods laid out on his countertop. “He looked hungry.”

 

“Then give him some milk and tuna and leave it for the morning. You realize what time it is?.”

 

“I uh- I don’t think he’d eat that.” John tapped his fingers on the countertop before shaking the thought from his mind though he did pin it in later to ask. “He was a grown man Jacob. A grown man with cat ears and a tail! And they’re real!!”

 

“Are you drunk?”

 

“No. Not yet anyway.” John huffed.

 

“John, go to bed. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

 

“But Jacob-”

 

“Good night John!” Jacob called with a grumble before the baptist was met with a click. John stared at his phone where the screen cleared to his background. He gave a disgruntled noise and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

  
  


When morning came, John was up bright and early, already pacing the front parlor after calling Jacob three more times and securing the ginger soldier’s presence. Jacob wasn’t exactly happy with being called all the way to the Valley for John’s animal problems. Before the herald even crossed the threshold completely, John had a hand on his shoulder and started directing him up the stairs towards the bedroom. “John, what is going on with you?” Jacob blurted, icy eyes narrowing on his little brother with equal parts concern and frustration.

 

“You have to see it yourself. I need to know I’m not going fucking crazy.” The baptist’s voice was desperate, reaching an unsettling pitch as Jacob gave in and followed him to the specified bedroom. Unlocking the door, he pushed it open, half expecting Jaxion to no longer be present. To his immense relief the man was still asleep in the bed, face down in the pillows with the heating pad laid across his lower back. The blankets arranged to drape over his waist with one filthy bare foot sticking out from beneath the comforter.

 

“You have an intruder that decided to crash on your bed?” Jacob asked but John huffed, storming past his brother with full intent to prove a point. Grabbing the blankets at the end of the bed, he tugged them away from Jaxion’s body exposing the long black tail that pooled between his thighs. The tip fluttered gently against his thigh and slithered to the side as he continued to sleep. His ears lost in the mess of black hair pooling on the pillow case.

 

“Go on. Touch it. Touch his tail.” John urged. Jacob stared at his little brother in utter confusion before giving in. His big hand enveloping the soft, warm appendage. It moved out of his grasp and started to sway side to side before curling up against his hip, draping down and tucking towards his belly where the cord from the heating pad hung off the mattress. Jacob’s jaw hung open, eyes fixed on the man in his brother’s home. Leaning down closer, he moved the heating pad further up Jaxion’s back to inspect the little white surgical lines at the base of the spine where the black fur met skin seamlessly.

 

"What. The actual. Fuck. John?!"


	2. Chapter 2

    Long easy strokes of the brush parted the thick raven black hair that fell around the twitching feline ears. John’s voice humming pleasantly to the tune of _Oh John_ as he brushed out his new pet. Working the expensive bristles through the long locks as they draped down the nape of Jaxion’s neck and began to curl, in dire need of a haircut. It took John to fight tooth and nail to get the feline to accept the bath after he pried him from the bed long enough to wash the bedding from the dirty footprints and streaks Jaxion left behind. His blue eyes fixed intently on the young man as he moved from grooming his hair carefully around each twitching ear to dropping his attention to the long black tail flicking idly on the couch cushion beside him. His legs spread with Jaxion slotted in his lap looking particularly grumpy about the current arrangement.

 

    Every downward stroke from the base of Jaxion’s tail grew increasingly more fluffy as he went. The static growing in each motion as John tutted gently. “If you don’t relax Jax then I can’t brush you properly.” He clicked his tongue when the tail flicked out of his grasp. John sighing in frustration as he recaptured it in his hands and continued with his dutiful attention to his charge, though Jaxion didn’t ask for it.

 

    “You delight in being troublesome, don’t you?” John’s voice was still lighthearted, almost amused as if he were speaking with an overgrown house cat and not a human feline combo. Jaxion’s quiet unhappiness was less due to his situation and more for the fact that John pulled his tail the first night they met and then forced him into a bath of all things. He spent two hours afterwards trying to dry his fur out, feeling immensely uncomfortable with its pasted sensation of being glued to his appendage, all wet and heavy and disgusting like.

 

    “You’re such a messy boy you know? You need a proper haircut.” John continued doting on the feline as Jaxion frowned, sensing the mother hen attitude was eventually going to transition into baby talk and he honestly didn’t want to witness it. Grown men baby talking other grown men never seemed to end well. At least Jaxion didn’t think so.

 

    “What’s this?” A smooth voice rose up from the front steps as a rather large latino man walked through the door. His single good golden eye overlooking Jaxion to stare at the Herald, catching him off mid sentence. “You get a new pet or something?”

 

    “Angelo!” John blurted, shifting the brush away from Jaxion’s tail to give it a reprieve before adjusting the young man out of his lap to sit on the couch by himself. Jaxion pulled his legs up criss cross into his lap and huffed. Watching the Herald rise to his feet and walk towards the considerably larger man and swat him on the chest before resting his hands on his hips. “Don’t be rude.” John chastised. “I found a stray in my kitchen the other night.”

 

    “And you decided to feed it and make it a house cat?” Angelo teased, glancing back towards Jaxion and giving a nod of greeting, seemingly unfazed by the obvious ears and tail sticking out of his body. As if it were an everyday appearance to the latino. Honestly, most days Angelo had to check to make sure his baby brother didn’t sprout tails and ears of his own overnight.

 

John shook his head, turning his body enough to face both Angelo and Jaxion as he hummed thoughtfully. "Actually, now that you mention it it is lunch time." He pointed out and gestured for Jaxion to follow him, fingers coaxing over his shoulder with a chirped. "Come along Jax." The herald strode past Angelo but Jaxion didn't seem to budge an inch from his spot on the couch. His arms folded across his chest, a white t-shirt fit snug over his slender torso as he looked incredibly uncomfortable and exposed where he sat. The fact his tail was all fluffy from static electricity made the display even more comedic.

 

Angelo shook his head, tossing a quick. "He'll be there in a sec John." as the Herald walked through the threshold into the kitchen area. Angelo moved to the couch and sat down beside the feline, giving the abandoned hairbrush a wrinkled expression and earning a tiny smile from Jaxion in the process. "You doing alright?" His tone dropped low, full of genuine sincerity and not the white washed syrupy attempts at helpfulness that Jaxion was accustomed to outside of this weird backwoods County.

 

"Just fuckin peachy." Jaxion grumbled, his eyes tilted down as his fingers plucked at the clean pair of jogging sweats John gave him to wear this morning. Jaxion had gone to bed naked and John had freaked out when he came in to wake the young man this morning for breakfast. Jaxion had considered slipping out the doors when he was left unattended but knew he'd easily be spotted in daylight with all the guards wandering around and John kept him locked away each night to make sure he wouldn't be spirited away by the evils of the outside world. All his bitching aside, Jaxion knew he was fortunate. He had clean clothes, a bath, shelter, a comfy bed to sleep in and three square meals a day prepared by the Herald of the Valley himself. All he had to do was keep playing the part of the obedient pet. Which was easy enough. John was gentle with him, surprisingly kind and considerate, even pampering if he was being honest.

 

While Jaxion was lost in deep thought, Angelo observed the young man's expression slowly softening the more he seemed to ponder his situation. Eventually his disgruntled pouting turned into an idle frown of mild discomfort due to the absence of his hoodie. With a silent shrug at himself, Jaxion pushed himself to his feet automatically as John called his name from the kitchen. His tail swaying side to side in idle motions as he padded towards the Herald. Angelo remained seated, amused by the situation before rising up to follow suit.

 

Waiting at the counter was lunch already made up for all three of them. John plating hamburgers from the kitchen griddle, condiments and toppings on the side, most of which were vegetables such as tomatoes, lettuce, onions and pickles. Jaxion took a seat, accepting a burger with a slice of cheese and adding a dab of ketchup on top. John's own plate looked like something off of a culinary magazine while Angelo's was an absolute mess with barbecue sauce dripping down the sides and not a hint of green on it. "What? No fish?" Angelo inquired gaining a glare from John and a world class eye roll from Jaxion. He paused between bites to take a large swig of his chocolate milk, tail flicking side to side at his back as for the first time, Jaxion looked perfectly content. His features softening to an innocent younger looking expression that Angelo and John couldn't deny was rather charming and handsome for the young man.

 

"What?" Jaxion blanched when he caught their gaze. Angelo shaking his head as he sucked barbecue sauce off his fingers, John holding a fist full of napkins out towards the man with a mildly disgusted look at the mess on his plate.

 

"You're lucky you're irreplaceable." John chirped playfully, gaining a raised brow from Angelo.

 

"Is that all I am?" The purr that came from his lips would put even Jaxion to shame but instead made him mockingly gag.

 

"What is it? A hairball?" Angelo asked gaining a hard swat from John. Though the herald did pause and give the concern a merit of credible thought. The look on Jaxion's face dismissing it though as he finished his burger in two bites.

  
  


After lunch, Angelo retreated to the hangar to do some work on one of his vehicles while John busied himself with paperwork. The Herald had many under his command which meant his workload had increased exponentially and he couldn't just let it pile up. Out of professional courtesy at least. This left Jaxion to retreat to his sleeping quarters to nap off his lunch. His body stretched out in the bed as he shucked off the excess clothes in the way.

 

The sun pooling in through the windows on this side of the house meant the perfect spot for napping in, golden rays warming his skin and it wasn't just a feline thing. He had spent so long locked indoors away from the sun before he came to Hope County that every opportunity was spent soaking it in. Partially cause of the health benefits, partially because the warmth felt good against his body. His back arching pleasantly as he wound his arms around the pillows and tucked them beneath his sternum, letting the beams pool over his back and shoulders.

 

As John finished up his work for the day, taking a break before carrying on with his other duties. He decided to stretch his legs, arms stretched out above his head as he yawned, pulling the muscles along his back and rotating his shoulders to ease the stiffness out after sitting for so long in one spot. His fingers rubbing at the corners of his eyes as he headed from his study down the hall to his bedroom, pausing to peer into Jaxion's room. His lips quirking up into an amused smile when he spotted the sleepy relaxed face of the young man, skirting through the doorway and slowly approaching the bed, he lifted a hand to gently brush his fingertips over Jaxion's ears.

 

The black appendages twitched in response, flickering as Jaxion's head moved deeper into the pillow. His tail slithering out from under the blankets haphazardly draped over his waist to luckily shield his obvious nudity, tucking against his hip as the fluff splayed against the sheets, clumps clinging from the static. John held his breath, contemplating his next move before trying to pet Jaxion's hair more fully. Fingers running through his raven locks as he smoothed the unruly ends out against his neck. Jaxion squirmed in place, shifting closer to the Baptist. John moved to rest on the edge of the bed, on the other side of Jaxion so as not to block out the sunlight streaming in onto him. His gentle motions became a steady flow of affection, lips spread wide into a confident grin.

 

As the hours passed by, Angelo made his way up the stairs with full intent of taking a shower. His shirt clinging to his chest, sticky and stained from the grease of working in the hangar. His good eye peering into John's study only to find it empty. Making a thoughtful noise in his throat he headed to his room, pausing when he spied Jaxion's bedroom door open. Curiosity killing the cat and all, he skirted around the corner to see the herald in question sound asleep curled up in the plush mangled bedding. The feline in question also stretched out but finding comfort with his head resting against John's chest. The Baptist's hand frozen in mid pet, digits tangled in Jaxion's hair as the feline mingled their legs together through the thin sheet keeping them veiled. The golden light of the evening sun pouring in, bathing the whole room in warmth.


End file.
